‘Are you ready for this? Can you listen to it all?’ Amy brings me to the train station. ‘I have to.’ I say.
The morning had been about the news about Trumps election. A time line filled with scared and stunned messages. Good conversations with close friends and family. We share fears, worries and hopes. For me it’s hard to find the right words what I actually feel, although my feelings are strong. I find it easier to know what to do. How to contribute to the world I want to see. The world I believe in. And that’s to go on the street and be kind to people. And listen. So I get in a train.
Although I speak to quite a few people who draw happily, I ‘m still filled with all these emotions. It blocks me. I don’t feel like walking up to other people. It also hinders me in listening. Because this feelings want me to steer the conversation in a direction. But that distracts from letting the other be and then I fail to make a deeper connection.
I struggle. And I want to have an open heart to be able to listen freely.
As I walk through the streets of Dallas I wonder how to tackle this. These three things helped me to move forward.
1. Give myself the permission to feel any thing
I can’t have an open heart to others if I don’t have one towards myself. So I have to be honest about what I’m feeling. And I’m aloud to feel anything. So if I really don’t want to talk to anybody, that’s okay to.
2. I promise myself I will try until I feel open
This might seem a contradiction with point 1. But it isn’t. I’m still allowed to feel everything, I just have a point on the horizon where I want to end up. Trying doesn’t mean it has the work on the first go. You give yourself the permission not to be perfect. I just don’t want to give up on myself. So I promise myself I won’t stop trying until I can listen openly.
And while I keep on try I notice it gets easier with each conversation. The last person I speak to on the train home even shares some secrets.
3. Stop and look around
For me it helps to just look around and pay close attention to what I’m seeing. And I noticed the shriek of a bird nearby. It helps me to focus on what’s actually there. Gets me out of my train of thoughts and allows me to be in the moment.