I’m five minutes home and I start to cry. Out of disappointment and frustration. I just went to downtown Dallas by train. I was so looking forward to be collecting again. To listen to people. To be there for them. To do what I’m here for. In general I’m feeling quite good these days. So time to start again and what better place than my favorite collecting place: the train? But as soon as the train starts riding I realize collecting is not gonna happen. My head doesn’t like trains at the moment. The only thing I can do is stare out of the window and sit through the nausea and the headache.
At home I pick myself up by calling the ever cheerful Katrina. She lets me rant for two minutes. I’m all for taking the positive out of things, but sometimes…. I’m so glad I can just call another person and say it. And it doesn’t matter they live at the other end of the world. Time zones can be a blessing. I make a nice meal for my self and go drawing the moments of today. ‘I’ll collect tomorrow’ I think ‘just not in a train.’
The next days I’m not good enough to collect, so I work on other things. I realize the strategy I’m using to get better is failing. The tactic I use is to do as much as I can each day. Ranging from exercise to writing. Get the most out of it so I can be back on track and get better. Try to do a bit more everyday. The problem though is I’m not good in doing things little by little. I go for the whole apple in once. I’m pushing myself too hard.
So I decide to take a break for 10 days, until the new year. I won’t do any work for Seize Your Moment or will try to get better. I’ll relax, just do whatever I feel like and enjoy the holidays. It’s the best thing to do, but it feels like giving up. To make my recovery not a priority and just be. To not work on Seize Your Moments. To not actively go for my goals.
So I enjoyed the holidays at home in Dallas with awesome friends. Playing games, lots of baking and great conversations. I got involved in quite some tickle wars with the kids. Went to the spa twice around New Year. I made a secret fairyland closet in a storage space under the stairs as a Christmas present for the 7 year old. Swam on Christmas day, learned about the gift giving culture around the Christmas tree and so much more. I’m so grateful to spent this magical time with the Blanksons.
And off course Seize Your Moments came up in many conversations. So I feel like more progress has been made in one week then in the two weeks before. Both on recovery as Seize Your Moments. I’m not gonna say I’m back. It’s a lesson I learned. But I’m here and that’s a good place.
P.S. I’m sorry if you felt worried because you didn’t see anything of me online.